healfrmdepress

Those of us who experience recurring episodes of depression often come to believe that we are somehow flawed or defective. Yet,  no matter how many episodes of depression you may have experienced, you are not the illness. The label “depression” or “mental illness” does not define who a person is but how he is suffering.  A person’s spiritual essence transcends depression and cannot be touched by it or any condition. As the great 20th century visionary Pierre Teilhard de Chardin put it, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

The following delightful story expresses this truth

The $20 Bill Story

A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of two hundred he asked, “Who would like this $20 bill?” Hands started going up. He said, “I’m going to give this $20 bill to one of you, but first, let me do this.” He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up. He then asked, “Who still wants it?” Still, the hands were up in the air. “Well,” he replied, “what if I do this?” He then dropped the bill to the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. “Now who wants it.” Still, the hands went up into the air.

“My friends,” the speaker said, “you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in life we are dropped, crumpled and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.”

“You are special. Don’t ever forget it.”

This story makes it clear that even if we suffer from depression, there is a basic core of wholeness and goodness that remains our true essence. Affirming this inner light can help us maintain our self-esteem, even as our bodies and emotions struggle to return to wellness.

One of the roadblocks to recovery for those who suffer from depression is our culture’s tendency to stigmatize depression. Despite the fact that modern medicine recognizes that depression, like heart disease, is often an organic condition whose seat resides in an imbalanced brain, a societal view still persists that depression is the result of a weak will or a character deficit. Too often, a person suffering from anxiety or depression internalizes this stigma and suffers from what family therapist John Bradshaw calls “toxic shame”–the belief that one is flawed and defective at the core. While guilt says, “I made a mistake,” shame says, “I am a mistake.”

Here are two powerful strategies that you can use to dissolve this debilitating shame so you don’t have to “feel bad about feeling bad”:

Healing strategy #1: Make a distinction between who you are and your condition.

If you feel ashamed about having a diagnosis of depression, it is important to separate yourself from your condition. The label “depression” does not define who you are but how you are suffering.  Think of yourself as a normal person responding to an abnormal condition. Your spiritual essence transcends depression and cannot be touched by it or any illness. Even if we suffer from depression, there is a basic core of wholeness and goodness that remains our true essence. Affirming this inner light can help us maintain our self-esteem, even as our bodies and emotions struggle to return to wellness.

Healing strategy #2: Reframe your battle against depression as a heroic struggle.

When I work with people who have spent their lives battling psychiatric illnesses, I do not see wimps. I see strong and courageous individuals who have the Herculean task of bearing and transforming intense pain. Like St. George who slew the dragon, their task is to conquer their inner demons. I am reminded of what Christopher Reeve said about this type of heroism shortly after he became paralyzed:

“When the first Superman movie came out, I was frequently asked, ‘What is a hero?’ My answer was that a hero is someone who commits a courageous action without considering the consequences–a soldier who crawls out of a foxhole to drag an injured buddy to safety. I also meant people who are slightly larger than life: Houdini and Lindbergh, John Wayne, JFK and Joe DiMaggio. Now my answer is completely different. I think of a hero as an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.”

In this sense, every one of us who has ever struggled with crippling depression or anxiety is a hero–and there certainly is no shame in that. For more about depression and strategies for coping, visit my website www.healingfromdepression.com

One of the simplest and most natural things that you can do to feel better–physically and emotionally–is to get a good night’s sleep. In this YouTube video, I discuss the importance of sleep in maintaining mental health and well as share a variety of solutions for keeping healthy sleep habits.

Sleep isn’t just “time out” from daily life. Sleep is an active state that is necessary for regenerating our body and promoting mental and physical health. If you suffer from depression or anxiety, it is quite possible that your sleep is adversely impacted. Sleep irregularities can bring about depression and they are among the early warning signs that either mania or depression is occurring. Symptoms include: trouble falling asleep, trouble staying asleep, early morning awakenings (followed by ruminations), and sleeping too much. Sleep medication and tranquilizers can be useful in trying to break a pattern of sleeplessness, but they are only designed for short-term use. In my ebook, Healing From Depression Naturally, I discuss multiple strategies for getting a good night’s sleep,  such as those listed in the book No More Sleepless Nights by Peter Hauri.  Some of the strategies are:

• Try to develop a sleep schedule–a regular time of going to sleep and arising–and stick to it.
• Reduce caffeine and alcohol; eliminating cigarettes.
• Use the bed only for sleep and sex, not for other activities such as reading.
• Practice bedtime relaxation techniques.
• Get regular exercise during the day.

In addition, you may wish to be evaluated at a sleep clinic to rule out the possibility of physical problems such as sleep apnea. (Sleep apnea is a temporary suspension of breathing that occurs repeatedly during sleep. It often affects overweight people or those who have an obstruction in their breathing tract.)

For those who have experienced crippling insomnia, establishing regular and restorative sleep patterns makes all the difference in the world. Practicing good sleep hygiene AND treating your depression and anxiety can help you to return to a good night’s sleep. In this regard, here is an affirmation/mantra that was given to me by a client who repeated it to himself as he drifted off to sleep in order to stop his obsessive thoughts. It was written by a 13th century English monk and reads as follows:

All shall be well,

and all shall be well, 

and all manner of things shall be well. 

 

 

A recent article in the Daily News highlighted how depression in men may be underdiagnosed because symptoms can look different than those in women. The article referenced a study in JAMA Psychiatry that reported that when doctors include ‘non-traditional’ symtoms like anger, aggression and sleep problems, about one-third of men meet the criteria for depression – the same as women. Rather than outward sadness, depressed men may be more likely to show symptoms like irritability, distraction and self-destruction.

In psychotherapist Terrence Real’s book, I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, he states that twenty years of experience treating men and their families has convinced him that there are two forms of depression: “overt” and “covert.” Feeling the stigma of depression’s unmanliness, he says, “many men hide their condition not only from family and friends but even from themselves. Attempts to escape depression fuel many of the problems we think of as typically male – difficulty with intimacy, workaholism, alcoholism, abusive behavior, and rage. By directing their pain outward, depressed men hurt the people they love, and, most tragically, pass their condition on to their children.” 

He goes on to say that each year millions of men and women fall prey to depression while less than one in five get help. In recent years, the silence surrounding depression in women has begun to lift, but only now has Real exposed a virtual epidemic of the disorder in men.

If you know a male with the “non-traditional” symptoms of depression  (anger, self-destruction, self-distractions and irritability), you should encourage him to seek treatment.

One of the most important lessons of my life has been to never give up. Having endured and emerged from a serious depression, my goal is to share the possibility for hope.

That’s why I love this TED Talk by Diana Nyad called Never Give Up. At 64 years old, after four failed attempts earlier in her life, she accomplished what no person of any gender or age had ever done: she swam 100 miles in open ocean from Cuba to Florida. It was a journey that lasted 53 hours and that she had been dreaming of accomplishing since she was in her 20’s. Her mantra was,  “Find A Way“. When she staggered onto the beach in Key West, one of the things she said was, “Never, ever, give up.” She reminds me that no matter how difficult our challenges, how low our spirit sinks (and she certainly met with crisis in her swim, which you will hear her describe in her talk if you listen, and I hope you do) there is always hope. As Laurence Vander Post said, “The depth of darkness to which you can descend and still live is an exact measure of the height to which you can aspire to reach.”

One of cruelest symptoms of depression is its tendency to rob a person of hope. The chemical imbalance of a depressed brain distorts reality and prevents a vision of a positive future. The depressed person sees no viable future. However, as my wise counselor advised me to repeat when I was depressed, THIS TOO SHALL PASS. In addition, I used a daily survival plan to turn my attention away from the future to create the support that I needed to survive, one day at a time. You can see that plan in my e-book, Healing From Depression Naturally. Finally, the reprieve that I had been waiting for came to pass, and my long ordeal was at last over. My message since then has been:

If you are on the edge of the abyss, don’t jump.

If you are going through hell, don’t stop.

As long as you are breathing, there is hope.

As long as day follows night, there is hope.

Nothing stays the same forever.

Set an intention to heal, 

Reach out for support,

And you will find help.

  

“Never are we nearer the light than when the darkness is deepest.” –Vivekananda