One of the roadblocks to recovery for those who suffer from depression is our culture’s tendency to stigmatize depression. Despite the fact that modern medicine recognizes that depression, like heart disease, is often an organic condition whose seat resides in an imbalanced brain, a societal view still persists that depression is the result of a weak will or a character deficit. Too often, a person suffering from anxiety or depression internalizes this stigma and suffers from what family therapist John Bradshaw calls “toxic shame”–the belief that one is flawed and defective at the core. While guilt says, “I made a mistake,” shame says, “I am a mistake.”
Here are two powerful strategies that you can use to dissolve this debilitating shame so you don’t have to “feel bad about feeling bad”:
Healing strategy #1: Make a distinction between who you are and your condition.
If you feel ashamed about having a diagnosis of depression, it is important to separate yourself from your condition. The label “depression” does not define who you are but how you are suffering. Think of yourself as a normal person responding to an abnormal condition. Your spiritual essence transcends depression and cannot be touched by it or any illness. Even if we suffer from depression, there is a basic core of wholeness and goodness that remains our true essence. Affirming this inner light can help us maintain our self-esteem, even as our bodies and emotions struggle to return to wellness.
Healing strategy #2: Reframe your battle against depression as a heroic struggle.
When I work with people who have spent their lives battling psychiatric illnesses, I do not see wimps. I see strong and courageous individuals who have the Herculean task of bearing and transforming intense pain. Like St. George who slew the dragon, their task is to conquer their inner demons. I am reminded of what Christopher Reeve said about this type of heroism shortly after he became paralyzed:
“When the first Superman movie came out, I was frequently asked, ‘What is a hero?’ My answer was that a hero is someone who commits a courageous action without considering the consequences–a soldier who crawls out of a foxhole to drag an injured buddy to safety. I also meant people who are slightly larger than life: Houdini and Lindbergh, John Wayne, JFK and Joe DiMaggio. Now my answer is completely different. I think of a hero as an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.”
In this sense, every one of us who has ever struggled with crippling depression or anxiety is a hero–and there certainly is no shame in that. For more about depression and strategies for coping, visit my website www.healingfromdepression.com
